I pray you will publish my story. This is my second time of sending it. I will like to remain anonymous. It took me a lot of courage doing this, and I need public advice on how to go about my life. I think I miss being raped.
I don’t fancy the gentle lovemaking with my permission. I prefer a man taking it by force. It happened that when I was 13, I was raped by my uncle, my mother’s brother who used to come to our house to live with us then. I didn’t know what he was doing to me till I clocked 14. He used to tie me down and then forcefully have his way. Sometimes, he would beat me and give me sweets after the act.
My mother didn’t know this. She used to call my uncle ‘my husband’. So I thought he was my husband and my mother knew about the regular sexual abuse.
He will say “your mother knows I am your husband, so I will beat you”.
He will offer to wash me in the bathroom when I am going to school and he will use that opportunity to touch all my sensitive parts. He will put his finger inside of me and then grease himself with a vaseline, after which he will sleep with me again.
After school, he will come and pick me at 1pm and then sleep with me again. I never shared these top secrets with my parents because my uncle later passed away.
Even when I turned 17, he continued sleeping with me, and he regularly bought me things. He always used force even when I was ready to give him to him willingly.
The first time I saw my period, I was scared of the blood. I approached him for advice and he instructed one of my cousins to help me. Funny enough, I don’t hate him and I have never told anyone about it.
In my life now, I have met a nice guy who loves gentle sex. I don’t like it that way. I prefer it rough and violent. I don’t even want you to ask me for permission, just take it forcefully from me. I don’t feel bad about what my uncle did over the years because he was loving to me in many other ways.
I miss him, on his birthdays, I wish he could jump on top of me as he used to during his lifetime. I miss that brute force and energy he brought to the table. Right now, I am never aroused when a man seeks permission before having his way with me.
Many believe I have a problem and I need help. Do you guys think so too? Pls, share your views with me in the comment section. I will be reading. Thanks MORE!